- On an electrician's truck: "Let Us Remove Your Shorts."
- Outside a radiator repair shop. "Best Place in Town to Take a Leak."
- In a realtor's office: "Lots for little."
- In a shoe store: "Come in and have a fit."
- In a maternity clothes store: "We are open on labor day."
- In a non-smoking area: "If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
- In the door of the maternity ward: "Push Push Push."
- At entrance of the IRS: "Watch your step."
- At the exit of the IRS: "Watch your mouth."
- In a bookstore: "We treat you write."
- On a front door: "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian - except the dog."
- In an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
- On a physicist’s door: "Gone fission."
- In a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
- On a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
- In a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
- On used car lot: "Second hand cars in first crash condition."
- On fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
- In a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
- In a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
- At a hotel. "Help! We need inn-experienced people."
- In a science teacher's room:
"If it moves, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics."
- In butchers window: "Pleased to meat you."
- On auto body shop: "May we have the next dents?"
- At the dry cleaner's window: "Drop your pants here."
- On a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."
- On a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."
- In an office: "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."