1. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
2. Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
3. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
4. What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.
5. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
6. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
7. Gee officer, that's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning.
8. So uh, you on the take or what?
9. I pay your salary!
10. Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
11. Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
12. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
13. You're not going to check the trunk, are you?
14. Bad cop. No donut.
15. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
16. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.
17. Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
18. Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
19. Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
20. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.